Motivation comes from every direction.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabaraktuh!

Selamat malam semuanya! Ah so glad I can write!

Jadi gimana nih liburannya? Asik? Buat anak perantauan yang bisa pulang, selamat ya... Selamat, bisa makan enak dan layak, bisa dimasakin, bisa kumpul, bisa menuntaskan semua rindu yang membumbung setinggi awan Cumulonimbus...

Selamat, selamat, yang akhirnya kangen tidur dikelonin emak bisa balik ke pangkuan Bunda, dan yang LDR-an bisa ketemuan, yang kangen temen SMA bisa reunian! Cikacik!

Buat gua liburan ini quite meaningless, karena there is no such thing as harpitnas terus dicutikan bersama di dalam kehidupan kampus gua. Seseorang boleh menciptakan ide hari kejepit yang dijadikan cuti bersama, tapi buat pemuka-pemuka kampus gua, holiday is bullshit. You want to be a bachelor in 3.5 years? Then go forget holiday!

Jadi intinya hari ini gua masuk dan abis kuis Genetik. Kurang cakep apa coba?

Em, jadi, ceritanya... Things got messy lately. Gua ngerasa I had done nothing good in life. Mindset dangkal dan perasaan-perasaan negatif semacem "Oh please can I just turn back to high school..." masih merajalela dan membisiki relung-relung jiwa gua untuk terus menarik diri dari kenyataan bahwa gua udah terlalu dewasa untuk ada di bangku sekolah.

But I guess  I'm still too young, somehow, for being a mahasiswa.
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Jadi, how should I start...

Beberapa minggu lalu gua menjalani blok First Aids, pertolongan pertama. I guarantee you I paid much attention to lectures and also wrote much on book. Catetan gua bagai kitab suci mahasiswa yang sebisa mungkin gua tulisin dengan selengkap-lengkapnya (I even drew some (bad) illustrations). Intinya gua menyimak pelajaran sebisa mungkin, semenyimaknya gua bisa menyimak. Dan datanglah hari ujian blok yang menentukan gua lulus blok ini apa ga.

The day came dan ujiannya berupa praktek. Sistemnya per-station. Ada 3 station dengan problems yang berbeda-beda: ada yang fracture atau patah tulang, ada yang choking atau keselek, dan ada yang unconcious person on street alias orang yang gasadarkan diri di jalan.

All of these stations measure how deep we understand appropriate things and steps to do to save someone's life. Dan kita dikasih 5 menit untuk praktek+jelasin ke dosen penguji di setiap stationnya.

To be honest, I am a kind of person who prefer writing than speaking.

Gua orangnya gugupan, cepet nervous, dan kalo udah kayak gitu, seolah-olah ada Recycle Bin raksasa mutan yang siap menyedot apa aja yang ada di otak gua. Dan that's what happened in those damn 3 stations.

 I forgot some steps, I forgot the names of the actions, I even did things wrongly, sampe di last station dosen pengujinya bilang,

"Kamu di station lain gimana? Gugup juga kayak gini? Lupa-lupa?"
Dan tatapannya intimidatif banget.
Dan gua bener-bener melengos. Gua harap kayak ada lubang besar di tanah terus gua jatoh kedalemnya.

Dan masih banyak hal-hal yang lain yang membuat gua berpikir bahwa gua gapantes menyandang jaket putih alias white-coat. I tried to deal with things but the feeling couldn't stop as well. Kalo semua gua tuangin disini pasti lo akan menganggap gua pengeluh sejati yang gatau caranya bersyukur.

But when things get too heavy, sometime we think giving up is the most reasonable choice we can pick.

Am I right? Or am I, in some way, too foolish?
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Jadi, hari ini gua beli combro di tempat gua biasa beli combro belakangan ini. Combronya enak, dan anget. Gimanapun kehangatan adalah salah satu faktor yang ikut mempengaruhi kelezatan combro.

Yang jualan itu bapak-bapak, pake kacamata, mungkin dia late 50s or even 60, tapi badannya masih bugar.

Hari ini gua nungguin combro digoreng dengan mupengnya, sambil megang perut. Tiba-tiba bapak-bapak ini, yang biasanya diem aja, mulai bertanya apakah gua kerja atau apa. Gua jawab gua kuliah. Dia tanya, dimana. Gua jawab Universitas 'Elang'. 

Dan here the conversation went...

Bapak (B): Ah, that's expensive right? *spontaneously talks in English*
Gua (G): Ah, I can say so... *mendadak English*
B : I've heard so many famous people went there... Your campus is quite popular, isn't it?
G : Ah yes, you know Mikha? Mikha Tambayong is new student this year just as same as me.

B : Yes, I know her, also there's someone famous... Ah I forgot her name. Who's that? Singer... Singer...

G : Agnes?
B : Yes, her! Your campus is famous, right? When I was working at *nyebutin restoran* as manager, the students were talking mostly in English. Is it a must to talk English in campus the environment?
G : No, you can speak Bahasa. English is used for reference, the textbooks, and also the questions in quiz... But English is important.
B : Oh, but you must be smart right? I heard the students are smart.
G : Yes, mostly, but I think I am not. I am average lah... *ketawa*
B : If you are not smart, you won't be there. Oh by the way, what major do you take?
G : *sebut jurusan*
B : Ah! It costs a lot of money right! That also proves you're good.
G : Yes, it does cost a lot... I am still thinking I am not as smart as others actually...
B : Why do you choose that?
G : Because I am only good at biology and a little bit chemistry. And my counting skill is awful!
B : Wow, what a choice. Good, deal with what you like.
G : Yes, the simplest reason is because my mathematics and physics are awful.
B : Well, you should choose the right one, and I'm sure you'll be successful. You choose what you like.
G : Well I hope so. I hope I'll pass, because it's such a great amount to be paid back to my parents.
B : Well, it's done. Here, I hope you enjoy this. Have a good day. *ngasih combro*
G : Thank you. Good to see you, have a good day. Duluan ya pak.

Mendadak, rasa mau giving up dan quitting rasanya menguap --- vaporized gitu aja.

I have chosen what I like. I choose to leave physic and mathematic to deal with something I like, in this case, biology.
I loudly and slightly rejected my father's advice to be an engineer and  proved that I also had right to choose.
A job is for a lifetime; doing things you don't want to do in a whole life must be some kind of your  private hell.
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Quitting and giving up are gone, vaporized, in sudden. Gua punya hutang besar yang harus dibayar dengan penghasilan yang besar dan kesuksesan nantinya...

So I should finish what I started.

Please strengthen me up whenever I get weak. Please fix me whenever I break.
Aamiin.

Siapa yang tau tukang combro dulunya manajer dan fasih bahasa Inggris?

Siapa yang tau dimanapun kita berdiri bisa jadi ada motivasi terselubung yang siap menghampiri?
No one knows, baby...

The most helping thing I can do so I don't end up too stressed is taking pictures and editing them actually... My own pain killer.

Wah, such a long post! Should stop typing, actually...

Selamat Idul Adha-an!