18 for the 18th times.

Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh! 

Euhm, halo...

Ketika jari gua sedang menari-nari di atas keyboard dan semua cerebrum hemispheres gua sedang berkoordinasi untuk mensikronkan apa yang jari gua 'tari'kan, ya saat ini, jauh di dalam hati gua, gua bertanya-tanya.

Kenapa lagi-lagi gua menulis, instead of working on my assignment which is so dammmmmn much. 

Gabutuh waktu lama untuk menjawab: "I do whatever I like whenever I want."

Gua menjawab secuek-cueknya. Mengabaikan kertas-kertas itu, setengah mengingkari kalo sebenernya banyak hal yang lebih penting daripada menulis post.

Kemudian malaikat bilang, "Dina, go back to your work. Are you serious for saying that you will gain GPA over 3.5?". Lalu gua berpikir. Damn, did I say so?

Kemudian setan bilang, "Dina, seriusan lo ngomong kayak gitu? Dumb girl. Lo tuh habis keujanan tadi, kena badai, motor lo sampe berasep karena kerendem banjir. Well, have a nice rest, girl."

Malaikat kembali membujuk, "Dina, tekad itu mengalahkan keterbatasan fisik."

Setan kembali merajuk, "... Tapi percuma kan kalo capek terus ngerjain? Entar ujungnya ketiduran di depan laptop, lagi..."

Then I mute both of them and stand for myself.

When I want to write I write. Studying shouldn't bother writing.

Emang gua mahasiswa super sesat versi 2013...

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So, I was having some nostalgia.

Those old days, ketika gua mendirikan kemah di depan rumah dan membawa seluruh koleksi buku komik gua ke dalem tenda. Atau ketika gua bikin halaman gua layak untuk disebut "Arena (mirip) Benteng Takeshi" dan gua manjat-manjat pager gakaruan kayak monyet beger seolah-olah gua adalah peserta Benteng Takeshi.

Setiap pulang sekolah, gua adu perahu kertas, nangkep ikan-ikan cere kecil di kali depan SD, dan tidur-tiduran di bukit di depan masjid SD. Imagining how my life would be, expecting so many things.

Ah, kapan ya aku bisa baca komik remaja tanpa diliatin mbak-mbak yang jaga kasir...
Kapan ya aku punya pacar...
Nanti kuliah aku ambil fakultas apa...
Pas SMA aku bisa bikin komik nggak ya...
Aku harap aku cepet-cepet gede biar bisa beli komik remaja secara bebas dan gausah malu-malu lagi.

Dan sekarang, gua yang recently turned 18 ini agak geli membayangkan imajinasi gua.

Rasanya, kalo gua punya boks kardus sebagai alat teleportasi yang bisa menjangkau masa lalu, gua akan bilang sama diri gua yang masih bau kencur itu:

 "Gua adalah diri lo nanti saat umur 18. Gua kasih tau ya, SMA nanti lo gaakan sempet bikin komik. Boro-boro komik, hidup lo bakal penuh PR dan remed. Iya remed. Entar lo masuk IPA, jangan harap ada waktu buat leha-leha. Plus, nanti di umur gua, lo malah bakal baca komik Miiko, dan lo dengan ngenesnya baru sadar kalo Eguchi Tappei itu ganteng. Lo juga bakal nyesel kenapa gabaca komik Miiko dari dulu.

Plus, kuliah nanti lo bakal semi semaput. Sistem lu blok, bakal ribet, ujian lu juga susah. Tapi asal lo masih mau baca, sanggupin lah, seengaknya lolos kalo gabisa lulus-lulus amat.
Dan satu lagi, lo bakal punya pacar. Lo bakal punya pacar senior lu sendiri di SMA. Walaupun gasemua kisahnya manis, tapi bahagia itu lo yang tentuin.
Be happy with him, because he will always be there as he promises.
Dan satu lagi, gausah pengen cepet-cepet gede deh! Gaenak. Gabisa tidur siang!"

Geez. Some kind of nostalgia.

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"Aduh... Aku ngantuk banget, gaakan bisa stay sampe midnight kayaknya. Gapapa ya?

Happy birthday ya..."

Tututututut.

Bip.

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So I officialy turned 18 this month. And phew, I feel so old...

Hari itu, tanggal 18, gua lupa bawa kacamata dan juga gabawa motor. Miserable for a special day, actually. Sepanjang hari gua mengucek-ngucek mata dan cuma bisa nyipit supaya bisa liat slide yang terpampang di depan kelas. And a day without motorcycle was a cursed day.

I didn't expect anything special of course because I knew I was in new place where people didn't know about my birthday, they didn't even curious to know. Gue pernah bilang sekilas sama temen gua, namanya Hakyun Ju, he's Korean by the way -- that my birthday is on October, and he told me "Oh God, you're too young to be in university you know".

Ada orang yang bilang, lebih baik gaberharap daripada berharap terus nanti nyesel udah ngarep. Dan semua hal yang terjadi selalu di luar ekspektasi gua. Ada satu orang yang buka facebook dan dapet notification kalo gua ulang tahun dan akhirnya half a class knew about my birthday (by the way my class contains 150 people).
I am quite grateful that these new people do care about a day in my life :)))

Like I was always thought that birthday is just definitely an usual day, the difference is, some people who really care about you shows up and that day you should be grateful those people exist in your life.

The rest of the day just walked so sloooooowly. Lambat banget, Plus di hari yang sama gua terjebak dengan praktikum. Seharusnya gua bisa pulang jam 12, tapi apa daya praktikum maksa gua untuk stay sampe jam setengah 5 sore. See? Intolerance is everywhere, and could happen every time.

Pulang dari kampus, setelah lepas jas putih dan selesai berduel dengan elektroforesis DNA, gua menuruni tangga kampus dengan santainya. Angin sore bertiup, membisikan "This day is almost over..." dan gua dengan senyum serimpit bales ngomong: "so what?". I didn't want to feel old. Being a etudiante makes me feel old enough.
Is it too over to think that whenever I close my eyes, I will see myself gray-haired when I open them back again?

Gue janjian mau ketemuan sama doi di McD deket kampus. Gua dengan magernya nyetop angkot. Beberapa menit setelah gua naik angkot, gua ngeliat beberapa temen-temen gua, well temen-temen SMP sebenernya, cekcok dipinggir jalan dan bawa-bawa kotak gitu. Lagaknya pada grasa-grusu gitu kayak Ibu-Ibu belum dikasih duit nafkah sama lakinya. I wonder why they were there actually...
Akhirnya gua memutuskan untuk turun.

Well, I should say that there was quite a dilemma. What would you have done if you had been me? Pacar lo nunggu di McD sementara temen-temen lo ada di deket kampus lo grasak-grusuk, dan tiba-tiba hp lo geter, ada sms dari temen lo yang grasak-grusuk itu: "Dimana?"
Buat gua, semuanya sama-sama gua sayang. Semuanya sama-sama ngorbanin waktu, hepeng, dan segala macemnya. Akhirnya gua turun sebentar dan ngikutin temen-temen gua itu jalan dari belakang mereka.

"Ngapain lo disini?"

"Yaaaaah kok lu disini sih! Katanya tadi masih di kampus! Kita kan mau ke dalem ngasih surprise!"
"Yaudah deh lo udah ada disini! Tiup aja tiup!"
Dan gua diatas kardus berisi roppan-roppan itu, dengan lilin dari lighter (yea, from that smoker friend hahaha), mulai menggumamkan wish dalam hati. Someone told when you're having your birthday wish, be silent. Because if you tell it out loud, it won't be true.

.......Dan ada beberapa roppan-roppan yang dimakan satu bertiga dengan gaya yang vulgar, dan beberapa krim roppan dijejelin ke muka gua, ya Tuhan, dipinggir jalan!
Gaabis pikir...

Abis itu temen-temen gua nge-drop gua ke McD dan nunggu di parkiran.
Gua lari-lari gitu persis kayak cewek yang ngejar-ngejar pacarnya yang udah mau masuk gate departure bandara. Terus gua liat dia disana.
Masih seindah 3 tahun yang lalu.
Lagi ngeliat ke arah jalan sambil ngeliat jam.
Dan tiba-tiba gua sedih. Damn, he wastes his time for a girl who doesn't know how to value it...

He was always there when I was having my birthdays.
The first year he gave a big panda which I should take to home by bus.
The second year, when I was deeply in my dream to be a traveler, he gave me Naked Traveler books.
The third year, he gave me a jumbo size caricature, showing me and him go around the world.
And now, I'm too late.

"Hai"
"Lama banget"
Dan gua duduk. Dia ngeliatin gua.
"Aku disini dari jam 3 sore lho, hehe. Aku takut kamu keluar laboratorium lebih cepet."
Then I felt so so so guilty.
"Maaf ya" Then I told him the whole story.
Dan gua bisa melihat sesuatu dari sorot matanya. Kecewa. That disappointment looks in the back of his eyes.
By the way, his eyes are so clear, you can even mirroring yourself there and find who you really are.

"I wanted this to be special, actually. This is your day, Din. I even bring you this."
Dia nyibak jaketnya. Ada kotak isi 45 sushi dibawahnya.
"Tadinya aku mau makan bareng sambil cerita-cerita. Tapi ya gimana, udah jam segini. Aku harus pulang."
The sun was setting down.

"Tapi sebelum aku pulang, this."
A red heart-shaped box.
It was not a big stone that every Hollywood actress has. It's small, and it's round, but it's a common dream of girls.
"I might have been stupid for leaving you a while. But with this, I want to prove that I won't let myself fall into stupidity again."
I was about to cry.
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And that was a great birthday actually.
But still, I don't like being old...
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A very big thanks to:
Mom and Dad. Well my mom always remembers, when my dad always forgets.
Whole family. Thanks for giving me caricature of me riding a plane in a white-coat, ma Tante Arie :)
Firdaus. You are the best thing that's ever been mine.
su-Geng. Gilna, Tasya, Syifa, Mbol, Arfan, Hadyan, plus Aji.
N.G.O.K. Ome. Sinta. Bandot.
Temen-temen SMA.
FK guys.
Twitter guys.

Oh ya, sebelum pamitan, ada salam dari makhluk kecil berbulu:

Adios, amicos! :D